Inevitable death

We all know we’re going to die but we just don’t know exactly when our time is up.

I experienced last year how it felt to lose a close family member. Unfortunately, my grand mother died on a tragic accident in the bathroom. She probably had an heart attack and fell. A pool of blood was left behind which originated from the right side of her skull. Continue reading

Ber-Month

Time really flies when you’re working. You wouldn’t notice that it’s already September. I didn’t notice I’ve been working as a corporate slave for four months now. Ok, that may be harsh, should have just termed professional or something. Continue reading

Me, my brother & basketball

Things we share in common: Name, School (he's back to school after a year of stoppage), Room, Computer, Shirts (even though he's on a chubbier side), Shoes and Sports. Basketball is one of them.

When we were young, pre-teen phase, we always play basketball. Be it in the garage or outside the streets. Thankfully, our coach before found our house and recruited us.

I remember vaguely the size of the opponents, Goliath. Poor little David, we end up mostly on the bench. If not, we'll play the last few seconds/minutes when their lead is blown up in the heavens.

We knew that our time would come. Just a little practice here. Just a little practice there. And then it came.

A few years later after warming the bench for quite some time, we ended up in a good position. We have a championship caliber team. Too bad, it's just in mosquito division. Players should be 11 years old or younger. The starting five is pretty set. We're both the starting guards.

Our first game was forgettable. We were beaten black and blue by Purok 8 (Purok is defined somewhat as a designated area here in our village. There are 11 Puroks overall. We're Purok 10, by the way). If I can remember correctly, when we were running down the court, one of their players muttered while sheepishly pushing me, "Get out of the way!". With my skinny frame, I just let it go.

Coach knew we had the potential to go all the way. We practiced during mornings. We learned how the 2-3 zone works and that's really something. Defense is far more important than offense that's what he told us. Well, it is. As you can get the ball rolling in the offense once you've settled in.

The next games we've won with ease. Then playoffs came. We cruised the first round and went to the Finals. Guess our opponent? You got it right, it's Purok 8. Well, our first and last game that year is pretty much the same. So, we lost. That's pretty much the closest we got to a championship up to now.

Oh well.

Before handing out the awards after a few days, our coach told my brother that he's going to be named the Mythical Five. Good for him. The awards night came, he even scored the games of the night while I was sitting at home playing Heroes of Might and Magic. It was late that's why I went to the court to check on him. The announcer called the Mythical Five one by one. His fourth call, "From Purok 10, Patrick…." I was there amidst the crowd. They doesn't know me. The one who pushed me the first game, even pointed out my brother, as they were in the court. But I went up the stage to get the medal and a much-needed boost of confidence.

It was good getting the recognition. It was ugly seeing my brother disappointed. While we were walking home, he's way ahead of me. When we got home, he remained quiet while my housemates tease him. I just laughed it off, as it's just a stupid medal.

Right now, it just became a running joke in our house. Especially to the two of us.

Well, basketball came to mind when I watched Glory Road awhile ago. I missed him when we're watching DVD together. I miss his quirky inquiries, unstoppable questions and every little bit of his silliness.

I hope he'll come back soon. Well, he will in a week.

Happy Birthday Pops!

Well, it's your 53rd birthday and I just want to greet you. Oops, sorry for blurting out your age. :p Actually, I've a lot to say sorry for. You know, I've changed a lot because of you.

If you could remember the days when I was a black sheep, when I would steal some of your money just so I could get out of the house. If you only knew, I used that money not only for myself but I actually shared it to my friends by playing Counterstrike or eating some food.

Thank God you caught me. As it's one of the hard-luck lessons I've learned in my whole life. That incident actually brought out the better me.

I know everything happens for a reason, and I know why it did happen. It's a learning experience and being a treasurer for the next couple of years in high school changed my perspective.It was hard being a treasurer.

Not only did I have to shell out some money from my own pocket but it's also difficult collecting the class fund. Some will defer their payment, some will not even pay. Thanks to our adviser, Mrs. Antonia Corpuz, who lend a good hand in aiding me with all the stuff to be a good treasurer. One thing I can assure you, I did not get even a single cent for two years of labor.

Anyway, my father and I share a few common interests and a lot of differences. We both like basketball, for one, but I don't get more so his views though. He's really impatient, I'm completely opposite. Plus, when he wants something done, he wants it now, while I, the laid-back guy, will do it later, preferably last minute. Another thing, his voice is so loud my sister, the one I told you in my former posts, is no match for it. I, on the other hand, have a terrible soft voice. Once, I got yelled at by our commandant in high school during our platoon for not screaming the orders loud and clear.

Well, I haven't told you I love you since I was a kid, so this is a good way of saying what I really feel. I love you pa! [Not in a homosexual kind of way] 😉 Thanks for everything.

Home is where my heart is… Or is it?

P.L. Berger once said, No matter what, no matter where, it's always home, if love is there.

Apparently, the cause of our financial difficulties lately is the renovation of our house. I'm not so sure why they came to think that we need to extend our humble home, from bungalow to two-storey. Is it the furnitures? Is it because we are too many to fit in it? Oh well.

My folks thought they could squeeze another debt, so they made us choose between a car or to makeover our house. We won by a majority vote, 3-2, to buy a new car but those 2 siblings of mine, pleaded their case and wooed my mother to sway to the other side.

What happened? I just made it a running joke to my sister, the one who makes sandwiches for us, that she'll have to pay for it when she's already working. 25 years to pay. Dang. We're already teens ready to become adults, I still don't see why we needed to renovate, we may get married or something, or move out in a few years.

I wish they tried to fix internally first before trying to remake externally. Didn't they know there are issues needed to be addressed first? Like communication, we really haven't talked seriously about our life, what's happening to our school, etc. Like our grandparents, they still aren't on good terms. *sigh*

There's nothing I can do but to live with it. I ask myself sometimes, What if the car was bought, would it be different? My answer is in the negative so I'll probably keep it to myself and mum about the subject.

Losing someone

I knew losing someone, be it a friend or a sibling, is really hard to stomach. Especially, when you've grown close together, or been used to having/seeing him there.

My brother was away for months and he returned just yesterday. He stayed in our province and lived with our relatives there. I actually missed him, his stinky smell, his silly questions, his laugh — everything. Currently, he has stopped school due to financial problem, in which he had a large part of, details soon (probably another post). Well, he's lazy anyway so it's all good. When he was just a kid, he performs well in class but as he grow older and older, his priorities were videogames, basketball, school, probably in that order.

I'll feel a little guilty if I don't excel this semester because I have a chance to study while my bro has to stay at home. Also, I know now what the professors tell us everytime, Have a little shame on your parents who work hard for you to be here at school, blah blah blah. I want to dedicate this sem to my bro. Hopefully, I can manage even if the subjects are a tad difficult than before.

Another thing, I feel I have lost a couple of my close friends, one was on the other section while the other has transferred school. I'm really sad when I knew that it was the case this semester. I've been close to them just recently, but I actually feel like I've known them for years. A friend of mine told me maybe there's a reason for it, maybe it will make us become closer, etc. I think he has a point but their presence is really what I miss. I don't know, I just feel comfortable around them. I missed our text messages, phone calls, etc. Oh well.

I know I'll feel this way when I lose someone: (Ephram Brown to Amy on Everwood) "You know, after my mom died, everybody told me that I was gonna be ok. That, it would take a little time, but I would heal. Well, that didn't ever happen; not really anyway. . . What you're feeling right now Amy, it doesn't ever really go away — not completely. It's not like, ya know, you're gonna go back to being the person you were before they died — the person's gone. It's more like something inside of you breaks and your body finds a way to compensate for it. Like if you busted your right hand, you figure out how to use the left one. And sure, you might resist for awhile because you're pissed off that you have to learn all this stuff again that nobody else does. Eventually your body takes over and figures it out for you. And your glad. because if it was up to you. . . you'd look at your broken hand forever and try to figure out what it was like before."

Dead man walking

My grandfather is probably feeling like a dead man walking. He was diagnosed with TB but it's curable. He should have overcome this disease long ago if he just followed the prescriptions, the medicines to take, apparently, he took it for granted and it's getting worse.

If every family has an issue this is probably one of ours. And its history can be traced up to my childhood. As far as I can remember, my childhood isn't great, it always seem a long day. They (my grandparents, lolo/lola in Tagalog) seem to argue every day. When my mother was off to work, I can't wait for her to come back. The clock ticked slowly like a snail inching to its destination.

It even came to a point where he threatened my lola by pointing a knife to her. We were just young then and it gave us the negative implication on him. Almost everyone here at home doesn't like him that's why he always go out and wander. He's popular around here in the village. He always loiter in front of our house and talks to our neigbors.

As we grow older, the argument lessened but still they can't just stop the heated conversations. I don't know why but for me their arguments are causing no good. Maybe it's causing us bad luck, who knows.

My only wish when my hair turns white and my face shows multiple lines, is that I don't feel like I'm not existing — don't want to feel like a dead man walking.