Table for one

For me, every year it comes, always the same. It's still cold during February but it seems it feels a lot colder than December.

What it's like to be single? It's a roller coaster ride of solitude when I sit in a bunch of happy couples at school, church, restaurants, annoyance at being asked for the nth time why I don’t have a girlfriend yet, contentment from the freedom to travel at the spur of the moment, and grief over the unmet expectations for this phase of my life.

Just by walking at school or in the mall, my sense of sight radars in on couples that are a bit close to each other, unintentionally taunting myself. All I can do is to breathe a heavy sigh, realizing I'm alone. The feeling of loneliness stings me when I don't have anyone to be with, even to talk with, when Valentine's Day is just a few days away. It's kind of depressing. What makes the other couples happy is what makes me suffer in agony.

I always muse over what I had before. Everything was lighter and easier to stomach. The thought of having to share some stories, a few laughs and knowing that there's a person cares as much as you do. Now, it's gone and it seems it doesn't want to return. I've already gotten used to it but still the memories are still there.

Thoughts will come about what could have transpired. But it will just remain a thought. It's always been the case since last February and it has never changed.

What brought me into this situation in the first place? Probably, I haven't met a lot of people besides my classmates because I'm too focused on school and have a short time for socializing. Can anyone blame me for this feeling, when I've been waiting and waiting… and waiting for something that doesn't seem to want to knock on my door?

Its 2006, out of all the special days, Valentine's day is probably the loneliest. The atmosphere of the love month is everywhere, from stores to malls, probably saying it's not the right time to be alone and yet I am. God's crazy about single persons and that genuine fulfillment isn't found in the arms of "Ideal Girl" but in making the most of wherever God has given us even if that's at a table for one.

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One comment on “Table for one

  1. […] blessed to be in a relationship. Finally, after a few years of being single and always eating on a table for one, I found her – my 1 in 6 […]

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